What happened to Ben’s Heart ?
Veronica, 32 years old, has been going out for three months with Ben. So far, so good. A few dates, loads of texting, sharing passions & dreams, watching movies, meeting each other’s friends and hopefully soon each other’s families… Suddenly, one night while having dinner, Ben shut down and left the room abruptly. His whole personality changed, he completely disconnected. Veronica could feel the anger rushing through his whole body. What did I do ? What went wrong ? she asked herself as she was left there alone. Was it because I asked about the relationship ? She sends him a text the next day asking if he is ok. No response, nothing. Three days later, she finally receives a response through a text, not even a phone call “ I have lots of work on at the moment. Talk to you later. Ben ”. Sad but true. Let’s try to understand what happened to Ben’s heart.
The act of feeling
First, the act of feeling for men is both challenging and scary. Men’s bodies are filled with masculine / yang energy and that energy is less receptive to emotions. Emotions are subtle, delicate, fragile and are only understood through the heart. The natural reaction for a man when facing emotions is to try to understand and rationalise them through his brain. This doesn’t work. The language of the heart and brain are different. Due to their innate feminine energy in their body, emotions penetrate their core and heart with ease then flow to their brain. That is why women understand emotions without effort, without the filter of the brain. The counterpart of that gift is that because they feel it so much, it can sometimes be a struggle and an overwhelming sensation resulting in chronic worry or panic attacks… French writer Honore de Balzac understood women’s nature well when he said “Women are always true, even in the midst of their greatest falsities, because they are always influenced by some natural feeling.” For men, to grasp and acquire that natural feeling, they have to learn to meditate, to sit still, be quiet and more importantly to listen and act from their hearts. If they don’t, when confronted by emotions and asked to respond in this language, they will do what Ben did, shut down.
The domino effect : fear, anger, disconnection.
Emotions remain unknown to most men, similar to an invisible world. What happens when men are facing the unknown ? They get scared as men fear what they do not understand. Now, Fear is a very interesting emotion. In Chinese Medicine it belongs to the Water element (Kidneys organ) and the virtue of that Element is Intelligence and Wisdom ( that is why when we are scared we are never able to make the right decisions). The Water Element if balanced flows and nourishes the Wood Element (Liver organ). When fear is in excess in our body / spirit, men, the flow of the Water element is disrupted and will not be able to nourish the Wood Element. You can think of it as a drought in a river (Water element) not being able to nourish and feed the plants (Wood element) This results in triggering anger in our bodies through imbalances and restrictions of energy flow in the liver, the first domino effect : Ben got scared and got angry. Depending on his personality, childhood, astrological sign and so many more, he might express his anger or not. In this case, he did not.
Now, the excess of energy in his Liver, manifesting as anger, will then crawl into his heart. Too much wood has been burning and the Fire Element (Heart organ) is out of control. The excess of energy will shut down his heart and he will disconnect from everybody starting with himself ( the Heart is the organ responsible for connecting with yourself and others). This disconnection, which is sometimes called cave’s time, is a natural reaction for Ben. His heart is just protecting himself in order to regenerate himself. Now, how long it stays in this state and cave will solely depend on how long it takes him to reopen to love and let go of his fear.
Honesty, the only path
To prevent the physiological reaction when facing fear and anger, the only path is the path of honesty. Honesty ensures we face our deepest fears (Virtue of the Water element), accepting them (Virtue of the Wood element) and remain open in sharing them (Virtue of the Fire element) A great way to start cultivating those virtues is the Pure Heart Meditation. Until a man goes through this process, he will never be truly free and is there anything more beautiful and attractive than a free man ?
Below a fantastic scene from the movie Good will hunting where Matt Damon’s character explains through amazing acting what men go through when facing emotions. At the end, his heart opens.
Hope you enjoyed this read 🙂
Enjoy life !